I have not directly dealt with a full fledged narcissist, but I definitely have been witness to the effects narcissism has on someone you love. For those who don’t know the definition of narcissism here it is.
Excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance. Selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and a need for admiration. Self-centeredness.
There are certainly different levels of narcissism, and they go right up to full blown abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. A bruise will eventually fade. There is still no reason to hurt someone you love physically and that is something that is incomprehensible to me, but a bruise fades. When someone gets into your psyche, your brain, and literally makes you feel like you are the deepest level of scum on the Earth, THAT is emotional abuse. We all have rotten days where we are rotten people to a certain degree. As I have said before, none of us are perfect and there is no one that walks this place that we call home with a smile and good intentions every day. I am a good person myself, but let me tell you, I can be super mega b&*$% on certain days of the month and just on a random Monday. I hate Monday’s. But I am not a narcissist. A narcissist goes out of their way to make you feel completely and totally worthless. Like you don’t matter. Like your existence doesn’t matter. They are never wrong and you are never right. Battles are always won with them in the winners circle and you crying outside of it. They are people who have a lot of problems, both mentally and internally and being in a relationship with someone like this is damaging.
A narcissist’s behavior is charming at first. They sweep you off your feet. They make you feel special and beautiful. Sometimes they even buy your love. Eventually once they have sunk their teeth into you they start to change. They aren’t as nice. Frankly, they are straight up mean. As time goes on they almost brainwash you into thinking that you can’t survive without them, and how dare you try. Don’t even think about that. They manipulate and get so deep into your head that you believe that you are nothing. A whole pile of nothing. All the while, you are EVERYTHING. You are strong, just scared. You are beautiful. You are important, even though you are told you aren’t. THEY are replaceable, YOU are not. It took years for my loved one to see this. But they did. And they are better off because of it.
No one deserves to be made to feel unimportant. No one deserves to be undervalued. We are all equal and there isn’t a soul that is better than the next soul. It’s when you finally get to this point where you realize that your life is wasting away because of how someone else feels about you, instead of how you feel about yourself. This is when you get that “big girl panty” talk, or the “grow a pair” talk and hopefully you listen to your loved one who cares so deeply about you. I know I drill it in everyone’s head time and time again, but AGAIN, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are important. Don’t let some insecure, manipulative person get the best of you. Most of what they have said to you is probably how they feel about themself. When you gain the courage to say enough is enough and walk away, then you gain everything back. It probably will take time and a lot of effort and self reflection, but you will get back to the person you were before you met the narcissist. Life is too short to live it trying to please someone who isn’t worth it. Honestly, you’re probably never going to please them completely. A narcissist always finds fault in what you do. They only care about themself. They are not loving individuals. They are fake. They are materialistic. They are all for themselves and not at all for you.
NOT AT ALL FOR YOU. Remember that. If you are in a narcissistic relationship it might be a good time to start talking. Talk to your friends. Talk to your parents. Talk to a therapist. Emotional abuse is something no one should have to go through. I firmly believe that we treat people the way we want to be treated. If you’re being treated like crap, then perhaps it is time to give someone a taste of their own medicine. Admittedly, I am writing this from a deeply personal perspective, but I see the effects that it had on my loved one and now I see the person this loved one is and its amazing. A whole new person with confidence, self esteem and lots of love to give. That’s the kind of person we should all strive to be.